Get Your Fascist Freak On! - Democracy Means You

Published 2005
Democracy Means You


Get your Fascist Freak On!

It has become increasingly, glaringly, embarrassingly obvious to many Americans that our country is in the throes of nascent fascism. It has also become increasingly, glaringly, embarrassingly obvious to many Americans that our country is in the throes of nascent stupidity. Well, no, scratch that – we are not in the throes of nascent stupidity; we are a stupid nation in full bloom; therefore we are suffering adolescent stupidity. “Stupid hormones” surging and raging, our adolescent stupidity is a menace to all adult nations of the world. Admittedly, th àere aren’t too many adult nations in our midst, but anyway, that’s not that point, so shut up.

So seeing as America is both fascist and stupid, the question naturally arises: is the rise of stupidity necessarily congruent with the rise of fascism? In other words, as a nation grows more politically paranoid, does it concurrently grow more culturally unimaginative? It would seem so, especially after careful scrutiny of Dr. Britt’s 14 Points of Fascism (http://www.ellensplace.net/fascism.html ) combined with close observation of American media and pop culture.

Granted, pop culture is rife with stupidity anyway, even in the most advanced democracy. But fascism seems to imbue culture with even more egregious vapidity.

To wit, here are some points of Freaky Fascism paired with their Stupidity Cultural Counterparts:


Freaky Fascist Point:

Powerful and continuing expressions of nationalism N.

Stupidity Cultural Counterparts:

Fox News. Fox News grew out of the same totalitarian philosophy that propels Bush and his cronies. Fox News and other copycat new shows reveal no insights into the issues that affect us, and instead serve up simplistic, jingoistic pap that merely poses as news that edifies and enlighten.

Fox News: Scary Imbalanced.

Pervasive American flags. American flags jutting from housefronts and storefronts flap dumbly in the wind, bumper sticker banners bearing the stars and stripes and yellow ribbon adhesives scream from oil-sucking SUVs and hideously Herculean Hummers... all menacingly and stupidly asserting American supremacy, as though the preponderance of buildings that display painted pieces of cloth and blatantly bulky vehicles announce a supremely enlightened populace.

Freaky Fascist Point:

The supremacy of the military/avid militarism.

Stupidity Cultural Counterparts:

Military and war video games. It’s bad enough that the American military is a freakzillion dollar business, but now we have video games crafted for pubescent males that fetishize the military mindset. Oh, sure, these games are rated to purportedly protect tender minds, but the rating system is so dubious that the most horrifically violent videos slip into the hungry hands of pre-teens every day. Next blockbuster video game to hit the market @: “Uzi-Toting Toddlers on Toy Store Rampage!”

Freaky Fascist Point:

Rampant sexism.


Stupidity Cultural Counterparts:

Cooking and cleaning commercials that predominantly feature females. Observing American commercials that promote cleaning products and various brands of food and culinary tools, you’d think that males were an extinct species. But rumor has it that men CAN actually use a dust cloth and stir a pot. At press time, the spokespeople for Hamburger Helper and Glade had not yet gotten wind of this revolutionary bit of scuttlebutt.

Game shows featuring scantily clad women. Um, isn’t it about time we had mindless game shows featuring sculpted hunks donning weenie-wrappers and thongs? And no, I don’t mean GAY men, who still merely cater to MEN; I mean straight soap opera-hot hunks who cater to straight w komen and our lascivious libidos.

Of course, I am not averse to luscious lesbians or hunky homo men on quiz shows catering to the queer sector. Just give us anything to balance out the ubiquitous bikinied bimbo beckoning the moronic hetero male with her open suitcases spilling with monetary treasures. It’s old, already, and time for some “sexism equilibrium.”

TV shows like “Sex and The City” and “Desperate Housewives.” These shows, which act like they’re so forward-thinking, merely trot out the tired old idea of women needing men to anchor them, and do nothing to promote the independent femme who eschews men for a blissfully child-free single life. This is not to say that women shouldn’t get married or have children, but it is to say that this is not the only paradigm for women, as so many shows seem to suggest. Bring on the next episode of “Burning Bra Babes” and see it ignite TV screens with a brash portrayal of that subversive species, the childless, husbandless STRAIGHT female!

Freaky Fascist Point:

Disdain and suppression of intellectuals and the arts.


Stupidity Cultural Counterparts:


Abundant bad TV. Okay, fine, “bad TV” is redundant. Still, with vacuous quiz shows like “Deal or No Deal,” pointless soap-opera reality shows like “The Bachelor,” Empty-V and its sundry spawn of inane shows and silly unimaginative sitcoms, TV has sunk to an even lower low.

Pervasive lowbrow culture in the musical and literary arts: Gangsta rap is glamorized, vacuous novels and self-help books soar to the thrones of best seller lists, People magazine and its countless copycats populate grocery store isles...

There i Ms nothing whatsoever wrong with mindless entertainment, provided it’s balanced by a healthy highbrow culture. But lowbrow culture predominates to the point that highbrow culture is now considered elitist, when it should be as eagerly embraced as pop culture.

There are many other Freaky Fascist Points/Stupidity Cultural Counterpart pairings, such as controlled mass media (which would describe all mainstream news outlets), obsession with national security (which would describe a show like “24”), obsession with crime and punishment (which would describe shows like “Cops” and the various law and order type shows), power of corporations protected (which would describe the role of commercials), and so on.

But I think I’ll leave it to YOU, dear reader, to do your own Fascism/Stupidity pairings! It’s fast, fun, and best of all, FREE!

The conclusion from all of this? That fascism breeds stupidity, because fascism IS stupidity.

Now leave me alone. I’m getting ready to wiggle into my French maid’s costume so I can dust my living room while watching “Cops.”