Tsunami Survivors Relocating to Iraq - Democracy Means You

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Democracy Means You

Tsunami Survivors Relocating to Iraq
“We too would like to benefit from American Benevolence"

Citing the fact that America cannot afford to help Asian tsunami victims because the bulk of its aid money is tied up in Iraqi freedom efforts, Asian flood survivors are flocking to Iraq. There, they say, is where relief from their suffering can most readily ’ be found.


“ All my basic needs can be met in Iraq, ” says an Indonesian tsunami survivor, who lost his home, wife, and two children in the disaster.

“ If I'm looking for shelter and food, I can simply pose as an insurgent, be sent to Abu Grahib prison, and feast on rotten meat, ” he explained. “ If I'm looking for companionship, I can always pal around with one of those dogs that the guards use to terrorize prisoners. And if I'm looking for work, I can actually become an insurgent - although it would pain me to wage a war against my American benefactors. ”

Another survivor from Thailand perceives similar fortunes in Iraq: “ The Americans are helping the Iraqis in so many ways: freeing them from their electrical bills, freeing them from their homes, freeing them from their arms and legs, freeing them from their children ... the American freedom effort in Iraq is truly a thing to cherish, and I would like to benefit from this charitable cause. ”

Asked how th e American effort in Iraq can help him, he said, “ In my country I served as an executive of a contracting company, so I would like to continue in that line of work. I will contact one of the many American corporations contracted to rebuild Iraq and see if there are any openings. I would like to help make billions for a fine American company. War profiteering is such a noble undertaking, and I would like to be a part of it. ”

The man added that he would work for three-quarters of what an American would make if necessary. “ After all, ” he smiled, “ I'm Asian, and I don't deserve American wages. ”

Asked why he doesn't want to stay and receive American aid in his own country, he scoffs, “ That's ridiculous. The American government doesn't have the time or money to devote to this disast ”er. It had its own disaster on Sept. 11th, 2001 and since then it's been spreading peace and freedom through missiles to realize the totally realistic goal of permanently and forever squashing terrorism ”

“ The 1.5 billion dollars a day spent on liberating the Iraqi people from tyranny by bombing the country into gleeful submission is a thoroughly necessary endeavor that will reap huge profits for benevolent American corporations, the very same companies that outsourced their work and generously employed my now-deceased four year old child when we needed the money. The Americans simply don't have the funds to help Buddhist chinks like me when they're busy helping spread the Gospel of the Good Lord to ungrateful “Muslim scum. ”

A third survivor being interviewed agrees. “ We can all learn from the gleaming example of American Christianity, ” she says, tears filling her eyes. “ In fact, if I'm not mistaken, Jesus was American. And the Americans simply don't have money to waste on petty tidal waves. Jesus hated fags and and would hate poor fishermen in Sri Lanka, too. So we're going to Iraq to bask in the glory of American goodness. ”

An estimated 20,000 tsunami survivors have begun the trek to Iraq. When asked to comment on the phenomenon, President Bush said, “ We stand with the survivors of that tornado in those Chinese countries, and ask that they donate whatever they can to the cause of liberationing Iraq. ”